There are times when we see others who are making significant strides in their lives and to be honest we are happy for them but at the same time, we are upset.  We don’t say it out loud but we tell ourselves that this should have been us.  We have skills ourselves and come from a similar environment so why are we still behind others is a question that we want an answer to.

As we ponder on finding an answer we came to the conclusion that we would have had the same level of success if things went differently in our favor.  There were a few people  who got in our way  and their actions blocked us from getting ahead and that’s unfair.  We believe that we rightfully belong in this group of rising individuals because we are just as smart but we are left behind and that stinks.

In other words, it was somebody else’s fault, not yours, that preventing you from getting ahead. I can hear the complaints like you got in my way, you took my idea, you didn’t want to work with me, I wanted to do it this way and not the other way and the excuses go on and on.

However, when we have this envious mindset, we are just fooling ourselves. We keep thinking that these successful people got some kind of special break that you didn’t and that is why they are more successful in their careers than you. It never  did cross your mind that the real reason that you are not further ahead at this stage is that you didn’t do your part.

We may not want to admit this but when we are truthful to ourselves we are sometimes the fault of many of our disappointments.  Thus, we have to learn to man up to this fault of ours if we want to grow and become better than we are. Not many of us are willing to accept our failures as it’s difficult to do.  We prefer to continue to blame others for why we haven’t  made it. For many of us, we have been placing the blame on others for so long that we are starting to believe this lie ourselves. Plus, it’s so much easier to point the finger when you have failed rather than to look in the mirror at ourselves.

However, you shouldn’t feel bad because there are plenty of us who was once guilty of the same. I recall when I was in college the professor was a terrible instructor in explaining the material so I didn’t do well at the beginning.  I was so upset until a fellow student suggested that I stop complaining and study more like the other students.  Initially, I was very upset at his remarks but I elected to study more and my grades did improve. I had blamed the professor for my poor grades and forgot to look at my bad study habits.

I’m sure there are many of you who falsely do the same by saying that we didn’t make it because others didn’t like us, we were being discriminated, we have the wrong skin complexion, we are too fat, I’m too old and you get the point. These are nothing but lousy excuses why we are still in the same place doing the same things that we always did before.  We don’t dare say that it’s us causing the problem as if we admit that, people would know that we are the bottleneck to our failures.

I was once told that I didn’t get promoted because I wasn’t ready and it ignored me. Instead of complaining like many of my co-workers I kept on working hard to prove myself so that on the next cycle I might get promoted. In using this strategy, on the next promotion cycle,  I was promoted and the co-workers who constantly used the excuse that they were discriminated remained in their same position.

When I informed my peers that I had finally received the promotion mainly because I had volunteered to work on a project that required me to work long hours of overtime and the results proved to be very beneficial to the firm. To my surprise,  they were not happy for me.  Instead, they walked away abruptly cursing at everyone in the office saying that I got special treatment.  I thought to myself that these were some glaring weaknesses that these individuals were showing about themselves that management saw in them but they refuse to see in themselves.

People are not going to give you a free pass, you have to work hard like everyone else in order to make it. And even if you do your best, it’s still no guarantee that you are going to get to where you want to go without experiencing some problems.

In closing, I don’t expect to get much feedback on this article as it will hit a lot of people very hard. It will because they may have blamed others for their mistakes and not realized that they were the problem are along. It takes a brave person to admit their own faults, as it’s humbling to do so. But it takes a stronger person to do something about changing these negative situations into a positive one. I made a change in my thinking some time ago, and once I admitted that I was the problem, that is when I woke up and started to make some progress in my life. Now it’s your turn to do the same, I’m pulling for you, are you ready?